If Adventure Time Was a 3d Anime All Character Sprites

#NotMyStevenUniverse

Something terrible has happened to our children in the terminal decade and we haven't fifty-fifty noticed or cared. The characters and cartoons they love have been turned into awful cash-in video games that don't even bother to get basic details correct. Forget the Ghostbusters reboot, we are literally buying games for our children and destroying their childhoods correct in front of them while it is happening.

I'k commencement to think that game publishers and or developers actively dislike children, as fourth dimension and time again I play games based on licenses meant for kids that are absolutely atrocious. I'k not saying buying this game for your kid is definitely child abuse, just I am maxim at the very least you must fucking hate them.

Cartoon Network: Battle Crashers(3DS, PS4 [reviewed], Xbox 1)
Programmer: Magic Pockets
Publisher: GameMill Entertainment
Released: November 4, 2016
MSRP: $29.99

As a beat-'em-upward aficionado and honorary Crystal Precious stone, I couldn't pass upwards the chance to review the first panel game featuring the lovable star of Steven Universe. Four hours subsequently, I'1000 merely thankful the game is over and I can purge it from my retention. Not only is this ane of the most mundane and boring games in the genre, it absolutely doesn't requite a drop of piss nigh treatment the IPs represented with any care at all.

Everyone's least favorite Drawing Network graphic symbol, Uncle Granddad, accidentally jumps through unlike dimensions (or in this instance evidence universes) collecting a agglomeration of characters from other shows on the network including Steven Universe, Gumball, Clarence, Finn and Jake from Adventure Fourth dimension, and Mordecai and Rigby from Regular Show. From there the characters travel beyond levels from each of their shows beating up the aforementioned few enemies repeatedly.

While repetition is not unknown to the genre, this is the get-go time I've e'er played a beat-'em-up that forces you to replay entire levels, seemingly just to extend play time. Each earth consists of ii levels and a boss fight, and earlier I fifty-fifty got to fight the second boss I was forced to replay one of the first ii levels to go an item allowing me to advance. This might be understandable if it were an detail I simply happened to pass upwardly, only instead, the item is only there when the game wants you lot to get it. On top of that, the items themselves don't actually practise anything other than unlock the next level, afterward you go dorsum and replay the level in which they are required. For those of you keeping track, that means you non simply have to replay a previous level only complete the level in which the detail is required twice as well.

All the playable characters unlock rather speedily equally you meet them in the commencement few levels, and each plays differently with their own moves and stats that can be leveled up. Each graphic symbol has a basic attack and two unlike special attacks that crave a meter be charged by hit some baddies. In my experience, Finn and Jake are the near useful as Jake can transform into three different forms: a hammer, a boomerang, and a stretchy Dhalsim-like arm that pulls enemies in. Information technology also doesn't injure that the duo from Adventure Time does the about damage by default. Other characters experience underpowered or have a rather curt range to their attacks, or special abilities that are useless similar having a jet pack or high jumping. Characters tin can be switched on the wing and each has their own independent health bar, which means all of them accept to dice before you're forced to restart the level; something that I never experienced bated from the one time I died on purpose just to run into what happens.

Perhaps the biggest sin of all is just how deadening the whole affair is. I don't empathise how you can peradventure take these colorful characters and shows even so somehow manage to make them feel like lifeless robots in comparison to their blithe selves. The main characters don't fifty-fifty talk aside from a couple of lines of text when you showtime meet them, and at that place is no voiced dialogue in the game any. That's right, no cute quotes from Steven or hearing Finn yell "Mathematical," merely hey, at least they look like the characters they are supposed to be, so at that place is that.

I can't talk much about the other serial involved, but the handling of Steven and the Steven Universe levels is lazy and offensive if y'all're a dedicated fan. Can yous guess what Steven's main weapon is? Did you lot guess that he blows a chimera in forepart of him and has it pop enemies in the face? Me either. In the show, Steven uses his bubbling ability to either protect himself and others from impairment, or to capture corrupted gems, simply never to attack. On top of that, the commencement item you have to backtrack to get is a map of Beach City, also known as Steven'due south home which he would certainly not need a map to navigate. Finally, the boss of the Steven Universe levels isn't i of the various reoccurring villains from the show but Frybo, the mascot arrange from Beach Citywalk Fries, a character that is canonically dead after existence given a fiery burying at bounding main.

This is easily one of the most boring games I've e'er played. I found myself falling asleep playing information technology mid-afternoon while streaming information technology on Twitch even though I was well rested. Information technology takes a lot to be put to sleep in forepart of an audience, merely like television magicians, this game has got it. You too can fall asleep with up to three other friends playing locally if you so cull.

Seriously, though, this upkeep-priced cash-in should exist avoided at all costs, even if you're a die-difficult fan of the shows. And parents, please don't ruin your kids' babyhood by ownership them this piece of trash. Instead, just loudly have sex in the next room over. Trust me, that one leaves a marking.

_{[This review is based on a retail build of the game provided past the publisher.]}

Janet Whostravion